As of today – September 29th

Hello friends! Do you every have the feeling like there’s so much happening that it’s hard to stop and take stock of it all? That is absolutely how I feel these days. Or maybe it’s just the heat. Either way, I am so thankful for your prayers and support. Let me try and fill you in.

Last week was chock-full of ministry, primarily in the schools. Last week we started our regular bi-weekly services with the children at the schools. We hadn’t been able to kick things off before that due to the patriotic celebrations, my stomach flu, and other inconvenient details. But it is incredible blessing to minister to these (nearly 700) children and their teachers. If you want to experience the amazingness, check out these videos of the kids at St. Andrew’s Anglican School singing their hearts out:

Things continue to go well for St. Barnabas’ Anglican School. I’ve spent just about every evening this week meeting with parents from the school, and last Thursday we had a fantastic first PTA meeting. Our application for a vocational Anglican high school in Central Farm (using the current grounds and facilities) is close to be submitted. Please keep all of this in your prayers!

In the meantime, we are gearing up for the crazy schedule in the coming months. October is the month of Harvest Festivals, as well as our Diocese’s mid-synod checkup meeting. On 1 November St. Andrew’s will be holding baptisms … at least 5 persons are scheduled to pass through the waters of baptism and be united with Christ! We are also preparing our youths and adults for confirmation and reception on 29 November: we may have a dozen or more who make this mature decision to follow Jesus Christ and come to his holy table in faith to receive Holy Communion! I’m pretty excited.

And of course December is coming: this means the end of the school semester, the beginning of Christmas vacation (as they say here, “Krismos de kohn!”), and my depature to be married to Mary Beth.

Please keep all of these activities in your prayers! And please in particular pray for our financial support to come in soon: we are trusting God that we will be partially supported while we raise support in California, and fully supported by May. May God richly bless you!

Grace notes

We were not prepared for 10 year old Yarely’s death yesterday.  She had been steadily improving in ICU.  At 10:30 am (HN time) she suddenly went into cardiac arrest and could not be revived.  Shocking and heartbreaking.

Still, in the midst of unimaginable tragedy, there are grace notes.  Some huge and some small, but all tangible reminders that the Lord is faithful.

Yesterday, Sunday morning, I dropped Misti (Yarely’s mom) off at the hospital a couple hours early for the morning visiting hour.  I wanted to go to church at the Children’s Home for the annual Bible Trivia contest on the Honduran “Day of the Bible” Sunday.  Normally, I would have accompanied Misti but who wants to miss the kids fiercely competing about Bible Trivia?  David and Evelyn normally go to their church on Sunday morning and visit Yarely in the evening.  Yesterday, they showed up in the waiting room unexpectedly.  Minutes later, the doctor came out with the terrible news.  Through God’s grace and mercy, Misti was not alone. I was at church, which had just begun, and could tell Suzy immediately. Suzy was able to switch to pastoring her flock of little lambs while everyone was together in the place they needed to be to learn of this loss. Shock turned to grief, yet in their hearts they hear, “Don’t be afraid, I will help you and give you peace.”

As we were standing, stunned, by Yarely’s wrapped body, the nurse asked if we had clothes for her.  Misti asked me, “Are these clothes just to get her to the funeral home or…permanent ones?”  I answered, “permanent clothes.”  Misti announced, “Well, we have to go shopping.  She needs a pink dress.”  We headed to City Mall looking for a pink dress, pretty shoes and a hat to cover Yarely’s shaved head.  After looking in several stores we found an adorable pink dress. Next we found pretty little ivory patent leather shoes with a bow.  Misti asked, “Do you think we can find little lacy socks?”  I hemmed and hawed.  I didn’t want to say no to a newly grieving mother.  “Um.  I’m not sure.  Alot of times they don’t wear socks.”  We went to the last store and found the perfect hat – pink on one side and polka dots on the other.  I asked the sales clerk if they had socks.  There on one of the racks filled with athletic socks, way in the back, we saw pink lace poking out.  We pulled out the perfect pair of pink, lacy socks. The only ones in all the stores we visited in Central America’s biggest mall.  It is a tiny thing, maybe not worth mentioning, but to Misti it was a gift.  She was able to dress her precious child in the perfect outfit.  One last time.  A tiny whisper, “I am here with you. I will not let you go.”

After the funeral service, we processed to the burial site.  It is a cemetery on the side of a mountain in the village of San Buenaventura.  Although the path was long and a bit treacherous, the view over the valley was beautiful.  “Just like the view from our mountain home in Tennessee!” exclaimed Brad, Yarely’s father.   Off to the left was a beautiful view of a valley with a town at the far end.  It was cloudy and dark when we arrived.  (Thank you Lord for holding off the torrential rains during the burial.)  Led by Angel and the small guitar, we began singing a beautiful, meditative song called, “Aleluya” praising God.  I looked up to see the town, just the town, illuminated, shining in the midst of the grey, cloudy mountains.   As the song ended, the clouds returned.  For a moment the Lord reveals, “Yarely is with me, in my Holy City.”



Aslan is on the move

Over the last 20 months I have felt a lot like the people of Narnia trapped where it is always winter and never spring.  Not that God has not been present in my life but I often felt I would never get to minister outside the United States again.  But for the most part the winter was of my own making.  You see God calls us to be faithful not just with our actions but also in our prayer life and in how much time we take to listen.  Now as I prepare to leave on a trip to speak at churches and to go for Cross Cultural training I can see as always even the winter was not wasted by God.  For each day over the last 20 months gave me new insight into the direction God is leading me.  Even the times I did not listen God has used to point out where He does not want me to be.  He has also shown me his purpose for my life is not in my control but completely God’s.  Each step on the upcoming journey I pray will be in his will and not my own.  I pray that he will show me even more of what it means to trust Him.  Not just with where I am going but with how I go and with who I go and what I am to take and what to leave behind.  I pray that God can show me ways to place complete trust in all the directions and give me the ability not to question but only to trust God for ALL.

What is a miracle?

One of our 10 year old girls from the Children’s Home, Yarely, has been in ICU for over a month.  She was diagnosed with a serious brain tumor. She had 3 emergency craniotomies in 5 days, each riskier than the prior one.  We have struggled with the unavailability (in Honduras) of life sustaining medications, the dire added diagnosis of ARDS, a very serious respiratory illness common in intubated patients, fears about brain stem damage and much more.  We have had a series of glorious highs and terrifying lows. Often within hours or days.  Throughout this “journey back to health” I have been very active on Facebook, emails, messages, and conversations.  I have begged for prayers, claimed miracles, and been effusive in praise and thanksgiving for miracles received and prayers answered.

In the midst of this I received a message from a dear friend, written from deep pain.  She expressed discomfort in my assertions that prayer works and my bold proclamations of miracles.  To paraphrase, “What about those people who have lost their children despite the same prayers?”

Isn’t that the perennial question we all, devout Christians included, ask when “bad things happen to good people?”   When our loved one is healed, we shout Alleluia, affirmed that God is, indeed, listening to our prayers and responding accordingly.  But what about when the outcome is not what we prayed for?  Did we fail in our prayers? Did the loving God in the Bible take a day off?  Did we sin too much to qualify for a miracle?   Is there such a thing as a miracle? Although the Bible is full of miracles, I used to think (subconsciously) that the era of miracles mostly ended with in the New Testament.  I have come to see that the US culture, what makes us “great,” is actually counter cultural to following Jesus.  We pride ourselves in our innovation, put our faith in technology/highly trained experts, tenaciously hold on to our “can do,” “pull yourselves up by your bootstraps” independence instead of simply depending totally on God.   I am not sure if God is not working miracles in the US because we just don’t ask, or He is and we just can’t see them.  (I suspect it is the latter.)

Perhaps the real question is, what is a miracle?  Is our definition of miracle too narrow? I have learned that it is broader than a binary “it worked or it didn’t.”  (Healed/died, got the job/didn’t, etc.)  I have also learned that a miracle can take a long time to be revealed and that, very often, redemption is involved.  (I am a strong believer that God can and does redeem any situation if you let Him.  My sitting here in HN is a prime example of the redemption of my failed marriage.)  Jesus tells us to ask for our heart’s desire.  Therefore, we boldly ask for a miracle, for a rapid conclusion of Yarely’s pending adoption, for access to life saving medications, etc.   We have prayed for specific things and they have happened.  On a Saturday in North Carolina, a LAMB friend found a supply of very rare life sustaining medication.  On Monday morning, I met her in the ATL airport and flew it down here just as the hospital was using the last vials available in all of Honduras.  For me, that is reinforcement that prayer works and miracles happen.  We have prayed for God’s peace when making devastating decisions, e.g. when Suzy, David and Evelyn were deciding whether to keep Yarely in the “unknown hospital with the unknown doctor” versus transferring her to the well known, well respected doctor recommended by our friend, a US pediatric neurologist.   Suzy clearly heard from the Lord, “I don’t need a specific place or doctor.  I can do my work anywhere.”  A profound peace descended upon them and Yarely stayed put and is improving daily.  What is that?  To me, a direct answer to prayer.

The Lord even provides miracles we don’t ask for.  Yarely has been with us her whole life.  Late last year, Brad and Misti began the process to adopt her.  They were here when her crisis began.  Instead of waiting to see what the outcome would be before proceeding with the adoption, they doubled down, working feverishly to accelerate the adoption.  “Legal, smegal.  She’s ours!” say Brad and Misti.  For Yarely, this is the best miracle of all.  She has a mama and daddy when she needs them most.

As a result of Yarely’s crisis, a huge community has formed.  Literally thousands of people have come together to pray for her and encourage the people responsible for her care.  A small community has formed in the ICU waiting room in which we pray for each other, comfort the newest members of this unwanted club, laugh and joke together to break the tension, celebrate a child’s recovery, and mourn together when a child worsens or dies.  This feels like grace to me.  And, who knows what redemptive seeds are being planted in people as they join us in this journey?  (see example here) We may never know, but God does.

None of us thinks that prayer is like a magic wand.  If you wave it just right, POOF, here comes the answer we want or the miracle we claimed in the exact form we laid out for the Lord.  We all know that, indeed, God answers every prayer but always in His way.  Sometimes we do get a POOF, there it is!  Other times, the answer is different than we expected or, even, “No.”  We must trust (struggle to trust) that “Yes,” “No” or “different” is the perfect answer.  We also acknowledge that we may not understand that perfection for many years to come, maybe not until we are reunited with Him in heaven.  We also believe that, however painful the outcome is, God will redeem it in some way.  We, by our nature, have a micro-view, He has a macro view.  To us, this life is paramount.  To Him, this life is but a blink of an eye.  We simply cannot see the big picture all the time.
When Yarely was facing a extremely risky operation, Suzy wrote:  

“I do not know the technical details of Yarely’s current physical condition. Obviously the medical team is of the opinion that time is running out. I can hardly write this. What could be more horrible to write? But I know you want to know. I want to know. It’s terrible to know, but it’s worse not to. People keep texting me: “Don’t lose faith.” Are you kidding me? Faith is all we have! We are praying, trusting, believing. We love Yarely. We do not want to lose her. As you know, though, we saw other people in the same situation this week[in the ICU], also loving and believing, but ending up with the most-dreaded outcome. Faith and grace are not measurable. Whatever happens, it won’t be because the person with the most faith wins, and the person without enough faith loses. And it won’t be because God’s grace is more abundant for some people than for others. His grace is sufficient for all. And the tiniest amount of faith bears fruit for His Kingdom.”

Finally, and most important, while miracles take many forms, the ultimate miracle is that of resurrection.  When a loved one dies, we mourn our loss but rejoice in their gain.  Jesus died for us so that we can be restored to perfect health and live enfolded in His loving arms forever.  That may not be the miracle we are ready for in the moment, that may not be the prayer we prayed for but God, in His infinite wisdom and love, knows best. 

I am sorry my petitions and declarations cause my friend discomfort but I am compelled to continue .  We don’t know how Yarely’s journey will end.  We all talk about how glorious it will be when at 16 or 20 or whenever she stands up before a group of people to testify about her story.  We don’t know what the outcome will be but we hope and believe, whatever it is, it will be to God’s glory.